tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize