Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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