I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
