I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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