i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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