Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
