So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
