My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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