Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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