She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
