If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
