I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
