umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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