I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
