Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
