just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
