How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
