What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
