I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
