i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
