My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
