i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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