I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
