I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
