he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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