at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
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You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
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My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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