Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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