think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Are my feet made of real feet?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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