how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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