You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
