I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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