Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
