You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
