Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
