2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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