So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
she told me i tasted like america
She swung at the pinata with crutches
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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