i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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