Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
The 33 Worst Things Men Have Said While Hitting On Women
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.