i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Can I color on your dick again?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?