I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.