so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
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now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
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I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.