his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??