this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
