We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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