I'm eating all of the evidence.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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