no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
