If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
