I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
