thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
