when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
