I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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