I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
