that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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