your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize