Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
