for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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