Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
