On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
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my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
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I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
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